God, Right now it is so easy for me to say I don’t care about what you say, I don’t care about what your word says..i want to see my family…I know that’s not the right answer. I know you know my hurt, and I know you know how I feel, and how I wish death could just be part of this… I am so sick of this and im not going to lie it’d be so easy to give up….
But I cannot give up because you haven’t given up on me.. all the times I was stupid, and the times I will be stupid (like know) I just..God thank you for never giving up on me. I don’t want to cry Lord.. You know that…I hate crying and I feel so stupid when I cry. But if crying honestly Lord will glorify you then so be it.. make me cry because God I want to do what most glorifies you, and I know that in and of myself I cannot do ANYTHING that glorifies you..but if by crying you can make that happen, then even though I hate it Lord…amen! I am so done Lord letting the walls of my life be built around past pain and hurts that I cannot and don’t know how to express..does it really matter God if I know how to express them if you know all? If you know the answers and you know the why’s…..I don’t need to know them…. Lord thank you so…much
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